poor slave
10-05-2005, 01:48 AM
Contents
Building your child’s character
Quick Parental Guide
Building your child’s character
As your children are growing up, consider imparting wisdom instead of just instructions
Don’t shield your child
Often when children grow up, leave their home and start forging a life for themselves, they do so based on their past experiences, and what they have learnt from them. So if you have constantly shielded your child, you can be certain that when you child is out there facing the world, s/he is not going to be prepared as you have not armed her with the tools of experience. But if you encourage your child to get out there and learn from her own mistakes, you can be sure that the lessons s/he learns will last a lifetime. And wouldn’t you rather s/he made the mistakes now, when you are there by his/her side to pick him/her up.
Teach your child how to say his/her opinion
Later on in life, your child is certain to find himself/herself in situations where it is difficult for to say ‘no’ – whether to accompany a friend somewhere, to staying later at a party, to lie at his/her friend’s parents …. the list is endless. Teach your child to say no at the outset. The next time your child looks at you and says NO loudly and vociferously, you may not like it at the moment, but don’t be too harsh. Instead, think of your child as asserting her individuality. Discipline your child gently, and don’t punish him/her for her ‘no’. This way, you are building an assertive character who is guided by religious and moral values.
Quick Parental Guide
It is one of those essential facts of life that raising good children--children of character--demands time and attention. While having children may be “doing what comes naturally,” being a good parent is much more complicated. Here are ten tips to help your children build sturdy characters:
1. Put parenting first. This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands. Good parents consciously plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children’s character their top priority. In the Holy Qur’an God keeps in using the words parents right after verses of worshipping Him. Isn’t this an indication of the importance of parenting?
2. Review how you spend the hours and days of your week. Think about the amount of time your children spend with you. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives. It’s not just a time to spend, it’s an investment you make.
3. Be a good example. Face it: human beings learn primarily through modeling. In fact, you can’t avoid being an example to your children, whether good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably your most important job. You could do a good job on that by learning from other good parental models like the Prophets and companions.
4. Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing. Children are like sponges. Much of what they take in has to do with moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering messages—moral and immoral—to our children. As parents we must control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.
5. Use the language of character. Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of right and wrong. Make that language based on Devine decrees and Prophetic teachings, this gives your language strength and authentication.
6. Punish with a loving heart. Today, punishment has a bad reputation. The results are guilt-ridden parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasion. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways human beings have always learned. Children must understand what punishment is for and know that its source is parental love.
7. Learn to listen to your children. It is easy for us to tune out the talk of our children. One of the greatest things we can do for them is to take them seriously and set aside time to listen.
8. Get deeply involved in your child’s school life. School is the main event in the lives of our children. Their experience there is a mixed bag of triumphs and disappointments. How they deal with them will influence the course of their lives. Helping our children become good students is another name for helping them acquire strong character.
9. Make a big deal out of the family meal. One of the most dangerous trends spreading nowadays is the dying of the family meal. The lunch or dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals that children will draw on throughout their lives.
10. Do not reduce character education to words alone. We gain virtue through practice. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behavior to others, and community service. The bottom line in character development is behavior--their behavior.
As parents, we want our children to be the architects of their own character crafting, while we accept the responsibility to be architects of the environment—physical and moral. We need to create an environment in which our children can develop habits of honesty, generosity, and a sense of justice. For most of us, the greatest opportunity we personally have to deepen our own character is through the daily blood, sweat and tears of struggling to be good parents.
Building your child’s character
Quick Parental Guide
Building your child’s character
As your children are growing up, consider imparting wisdom instead of just instructions
Don’t shield your child
Often when children grow up, leave their home and start forging a life for themselves, they do so based on their past experiences, and what they have learnt from them. So if you have constantly shielded your child, you can be certain that when you child is out there facing the world, s/he is not going to be prepared as you have not armed her with the tools of experience. But if you encourage your child to get out there and learn from her own mistakes, you can be sure that the lessons s/he learns will last a lifetime. And wouldn’t you rather s/he made the mistakes now, when you are there by his/her side to pick him/her up.
Teach your child how to say his/her opinion
Later on in life, your child is certain to find himself/herself in situations where it is difficult for to say ‘no’ – whether to accompany a friend somewhere, to staying later at a party, to lie at his/her friend’s parents …. the list is endless. Teach your child to say no at the outset. The next time your child looks at you and says NO loudly and vociferously, you may not like it at the moment, but don’t be too harsh. Instead, think of your child as asserting her individuality. Discipline your child gently, and don’t punish him/her for her ‘no’. This way, you are building an assertive character who is guided by religious and moral values.
Quick Parental Guide
It is one of those essential facts of life that raising good children--children of character--demands time and attention. While having children may be “doing what comes naturally,” being a good parent is much more complicated. Here are ten tips to help your children build sturdy characters:
1. Put parenting first. This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands. Good parents consciously plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children’s character their top priority. In the Holy Qur’an God keeps in using the words parents right after verses of worshipping Him. Isn’t this an indication of the importance of parenting?
2. Review how you spend the hours and days of your week. Think about the amount of time your children spend with you. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives. It’s not just a time to spend, it’s an investment you make.
3. Be a good example. Face it: human beings learn primarily through modeling. In fact, you can’t avoid being an example to your children, whether good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably your most important job. You could do a good job on that by learning from other good parental models like the Prophets and companions.
4. Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing. Children are like sponges. Much of what they take in has to do with moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering messages—moral and immoral—to our children. As parents we must control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.
5. Use the language of character. Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of right and wrong. Make that language based on Devine decrees and Prophetic teachings, this gives your language strength and authentication.
6. Punish with a loving heart. Today, punishment has a bad reputation. The results are guilt-ridden parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasion. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways human beings have always learned. Children must understand what punishment is for and know that its source is parental love.
7. Learn to listen to your children. It is easy for us to tune out the talk of our children. One of the greatest things we can do for them is to take them seriously and set aside time to listen.
8. Get deeply involved in your child’s school life. School is the main event in the lives of our children. Their experience there is a mixed bag of triumphs and disappointments. How they deal with them will influence the course of their lives. Helping our children become good students is another name for helping them acquire strong character.
9. Make a big deal out of the family meal. One of the most dangerous trends spreading nowadays is the dying of the family meal. The lunch or dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals that children will draw on throughout their lives.
10. Do not reduce character education to words alone. We gain virtue through practice. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behavior to others, and community service. The bottom line in character development is behavior--their behavior.
As parents, we want our children to be the architects of their own character crafting, while we accept the responsibility to be architects of the environment—physical and moral. We need to create an environment in which our children can develop habits of honesty, generosity, and a sense of justice. For most of us, the greatest opportunity we personally have to deepen our own character is through the daily blood, sweat and tears of struggling to be good parents.